“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and
Act II Scene I. The Body of the Other
Laughter. Sounds of birds, insects, leaves in the light wind.
[Forest of You and Me. Daytime. Saturated color]
Roland.
Where am I?
Faery.
You are in the Forest of You and Me.
Roland.
Wow! [Pauses, looks around] Look at these eye lashes!
These fingers frolicking.
These toes floating in the hair, that nose dancing!
[Faery staring with a weird face. Roland notices the stare and realizes its weird.]
Who are you?
Faery.
You ask that every time.
Roland.
What do you mean? I’ve never seen you in my life.
Faery.
Of course, you have. You just don’t remember. I am a faery.
Roland.
Huh. A faery. Do you get a Roth IRA being a faery?
Faery.
Funny. Not exactly. I only exist in your subconscious.
Roland.
Who are you really and why am I here, I was at a bar a minute ago?
Faery.
I am you. Don’t you get it? I am only here to tell you you’re not dead, and to wake you up when you’re done doing whatever weird things you do here.
Roland.
Well, that’s a sad existence.
Faery.
Believe me, I know.
Roland.
But I don’t want you to be me, I want you to be you, live your own life. Enjoy the forest, isn’t this part of what you call it--Faerie Land?
Faery.
Something like that.
Faery. [aside]
If only humans could actually live up to their “heightened” language—
Roland.
What? Who are you talking to?
Faery.
No one.
Roland.
Why am I here?
Faery.
You were having a conversation and then—
Roland.
I remember. I want to go back, this is getting boring.
Faery.
You know, it is sad to watch, you notice less every time.
Roland.
Really? Why does that happen? Everything gets dull so fast.
Faery.
You forgot what it means to love nature. The simplest things are the first to go missed.
It’s like searching for mushrooms you have to stay fascinated.
Roland.
I can only go with what I feel in any given moment.
Can my intuition be really that at odds with what is good for me?
Faery.
Now you’re getting into politics, I am just a faery, it’s time for you to go mad, goodbye.
Roland.
[Now alone and visibly stressed out and lost. Lights get darker.]
Wait! Mad? What do you mean go mad?
Faery. [aside]
God, I need a vacation. [spoken fast] But where would I want to go if I can’t even know who I am? Does it matter? Traveling alone is no good. Do I just indulge in the excess, take the obvious vices of life? If I got to my vacation, how would I relax? Wouldn’t I just be thinking about where I want to go next? If other people are having more fun than me? [with a sarcastic childish tone] “You’re a writer, you can’t take a vacation you need to write this stuff down or else you’re not a writer.”
[Distant music sounds. Slowly getting closer]
Listen to me. Je suis fou! No wonder why you’ve had enough. How long before they find me all coiled up and shivering in the dark? I’ve been there before. But you saved me, remember? We’d go off in the woods together and bathe in the creek. You haven’t been in these woods in ages, I’m beginning to doubt if you ever have.
Maybe we met in two different forests and just caught each other’s echo?
[Echo sounds of the word ECHO and psychedelic effects. Lights change.]
Act II. Scene II. La Catastrophe
[Back in Roland’s room at writer desk]
Roland.
Let’s see
I am consumed by my thoughts they keep running and looping and pressing and turning me into a person I don't recognize—a figure. This is a catastrophe—la catastrophe [putting hands over face and sighing] that my old friend Yobst described, and I didn’t believe him. Oh I think about him in the mountains.
Everything went wrong when I left the mountains. Or maybe things just dissolved into reality. Like I am observing this unknown being, which apparently is me, from the top of a skyscraper glass cliff and I notice something strange about my shadow [points] and I point but my body can’t hear me and can’t shake whatever it is off.
I'm like a decaying avatar [sketching in notebook and shows it] just roaming aimlessly around town barely able to do basic chores, just to keep myself from sitting in my own filth, I’m decadent in searching for pleasure, in searching for you and the mountain. But I have not seen the mountain in years and you, well we know you are constantly fading and getting further away. How could you do this to me?
The saved location on the GPS that says home is no longer where we live. I keep refreshing my feed, no posts by you. You don't show up in my texts. [gets up off chair and walks around] My footsteps are being counted everywhere I go but I don’t care, these are lonesome steps anyway, there’s hardly any capital to be gained from my transit.
It's funny how technology is more interested in me than you are now, or anybody, any human for that matter. It's like the statistical amalgamation of my soul got reduced to numbers that form a chomping algorithm gnawing at my personality—replaced by a flashing blue dot (blinking). A train is going by—probably won't hear me for a while, that's ok, I’m just trying to record what I'm going through right now, to understand that it will never make sense or will ever be appreciated because I take everything for granted, don’t I?
A really beautiful butterfly in the woods right here just landed on a leaf and is slowly waving up and down basking in one ray of sunlight she's really enjoying that leaf now. I wonder if she's thinking of the next leaf she will land on. Profit from that green surface and get some energy from the sun from that light. I notice you. There are choices to be made. We block each other or you land in palm. [looks at palm then clinches]
I panic. Barthes says this, it’s not only you, he says:
“I have projected myself into the other with such power that when I am without the other I cannot recover myself, regain myself: I am lost, forever.” (Barthes 54)
[Lights dim to dark]
Act III. Scene I. Waiting and Affirmation.
[Video of old wrestling match plays in dark. The TV glitches. And plays Tour de France. Then a Jet man. Then a scene of a gluttonous meal.]
Roland. [With sunglasses on, sitting on a fold out chair and with a TV tray eats a microwave meal. He stares at the TV in silence. The setting slowly permeates to a café. People come in and out talking and joking. Ordering. Roland looks at his phone/watch several times. Sips milk. With each person who comes in, Roland moves slightly and gets happy, taking each new entrant to be his lover, he gets annoyed at the distractions.]
[A phone rings. Roland takes off his glasses and everyone looks at him.]
Roland.
Unknown caller [Now smiling and sitting up in his chair after brushing crumbs of food off his pants] Hello? [Fall in enthusiasm and realizes the whole café is staring at him and the phone call wasn’t his lover--Sighs.]
[Puts phone down. Looks at actors. Looks at crowd.]
Just be in the present huh? Oh that difficult tense.
Faery. [Voice only]
“WAITING IS DELIRI-OUS!” [many echoes.]
‘Waiting is deliri-um!” [repeats, raising in pitch]
j'eus déliré
tu eus déliré
il/elle eut déliré
nous eûmes déliré
vous eûtes déliré
ils/elles eurent déliré
Repeat to yourself, “I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy.”
Roland.
I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy.
“I’m a liar not an actor.” “My body is a stubborn child and my language a civilized adult.” My child is a language, and my stubbornness is civilized. I’m an actor and not a liar. My language is stubborn, and my civilized body is a child. I’m no actor but I am no liar either. My stubborn civilization is a body of language. Je t’aime. Je t’aime! Je t’aime [pauses.] I love you [looks at crowd].
[Lights dim to dark.]
I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy. I will not persuade myself that I am going crazy.